The Coaching Habit review: seven questions that replace advice

Verdict: 4 out of 5. A practical, quick-to-apply guide to asking better questions. Best for people who coach inside a job, and lighter on depth for those who coach for a living.

In one sentence

Asking simple, powerful questions helps people think for themselves, and building that into a daily habit beats jumping in with advice.

What it covers

The book is built around seven questions, one per chapter, each with the reasoning behind it:

1. The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?” It skips the small talk and opens the conversation that matters.
2. The AWE Question: “And what else?” The first answer is rarely the best one, and this question gives more options and buys you time.
3. The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?” The problem someone brings is often a symptom, not the real issue. The words “for you” keep you from trying to coach a third party.
4. The Foundation Question: “What do you want?” Many people find it hard to ask for what they want. Bungay Stanier links wants to deeper needs such as affection, freedom or identity.
5. The Lazy Question: “How can I help?” It gets you out of the rescuer role in the drama triangle.
6. The Strategic Question: “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
7. The Learning Question: “What was most useful for you?” People learn when they get a chance to reflect on what just happened.

The last section, the Question Masterclass, is arguably the most useful part. It is a set of small habits for how to ask: one question at a time, cut the introduction, start with “what” rather than “why”, get comfortable with three seconds of silence, and actually listen to the answer.

Strengths

• It is short and structured. Seven questions are easy to remember, and each comes with a clear “when I… instead of… I will…” habit to practise.
• The Advice Monster is a useful idea. Naming the urge to give advice makes it easier to notice in yourself.
• The “what, not why” rule is practical. A “why” question can put people on the defensive, and a “what” question keeps them thinking.
• Easy to try immediately. You can use “And what else?” in your next conversation.

Weaknesses

• It leans towards the workplace. The examples centre on managing teams and getting work done. If you coach individuals through deeper personal change, you will need other tools alongside it.
• Seven questions is a simplification. Real conversations don’t follow a script, and the book is a starting point rather than a full coaching education.
• Some of the frameworks add jargon. Acronyms like TBU (True But Useless) and SPOTS (Strategic Plans On Top Shelf) are memorable but may not suit every reader.

Who it’s for (and who might skip it)

It’s for you if you manage people, lead a team, or are starting out as a coach and want a habit you can practise straight away.

You can skip it if you are already a trained coach with a well-developed questioning practice. You may still find the Question Masterclass useful as a refresher.

Try this

In your next conversation, ask “What’s on your mind?” and then, after the first answer, ask only “And what else?” Stay quiet for three seconds before you respond. Notice how often the second or third answer is the real one.